Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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