The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
