My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
