Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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