did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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