Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
