I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
