Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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