i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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