This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
