you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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