Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
