my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
