sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
