i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
