He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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