i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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