Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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