I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
