he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize