I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
