Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
