And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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