If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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