The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
