Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
