I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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