you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
