What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
