fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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