It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
