'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
