If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
