I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
