dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I believe in your delicious
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
