we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
