Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Swine flu. Run for my life!
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize