a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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