My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We had to coat check the pizza.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
