Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
