Jerry, you need to find god
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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