im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
