Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
