Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
