i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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