I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
