I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
