I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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