at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
