turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
