I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize