Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
