He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
