You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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