im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Houston, we have a squirter
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
