woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
