side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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