I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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