Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
