If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
