Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
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