let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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