he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
