When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
