I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
