So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
