I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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