i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
