Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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