Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
