No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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