i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
why do cheetos always look like penises
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
