You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
