i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
