FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
