I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
