I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
