She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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