It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
