Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Randomize
