My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
