you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
